Bug Bummer

As most of you know, about 2 years ago Scuba and I purchased a '78 VW Convertable Beetle. We have had so much fun tooling around town with the top down and enjoying the hippy vibe that is Austin. However, we decided it's time to sell it. With so much focus on the house, and me never learning to drive a standard, the bug has been couped up in our shed for months now. We decided to bring it out over the weekend, give 'er a good bath, and put some FOR SALE signs in the windows. No sooner were the signs in the windows and we got our first call.

The interest was high and the more places we drove it, the more the phone rang. This was going to be an easy sell...or so the silly couple thought! It was about 4 in the afternoon and we decided to drive down 6th street to grab some fish tacos and a beer a Little Woodrow's. As we were about to pass Congress, we heard honking. I look to my right and there was a maniac of a woman driving and waving at us to inquire about the car. She was so excited, she didn't even roll her window down, she opened her car door going 30 mph down a pedestrain laden 6th street and screamed "HOW MUCH?!?" I held my fingers up with the price and asked her if she wanted to pull over and take a look.

We pulled into the valet curb in front of Louie's 106 (zsa zsa). She immediately jumped out of her car and hit the ground with her knees to look under the bug. Scuba and I glanced at each other both thinking she was nuts as her ass was almost clipped by several cars and she didn't even seem to notice. Next she jumped up and popped the trunk to take a look at the engine. Who knows what she was babbling about, I saw dollar signs! We had a live one!

She looked at Scuba and said, "Can I drive it?" He said, "OK" reluctantly. At this point we hadn't even gotten her name. She threw her purse at Scuba and said, "hold my purse, I'll just take it around the block." Inside I'm thinking "not unless there is $7000 in your purse, girly." Scuba said, "why don't we just ride with you."

As we all piled in the car you could see how nervous and excited this girl was. Then she turned to me and smiled and it hit me. Was that the smell of alcohol...or marajuana...or both? Was her eye make-up really melting down her face? Was she really sweating that profusely? OH SHIT! And she was off. Screaming at Scuba to help her throw it in reverse. Then the RMPs whirred violently. And BAM, the car stalls just as she pulls out in to traffic on 6th! Scuba is calm - he's trying to guide, trying to coach, trying to assist. Her arms are flying around, she looks like she's having a seizure just trying to get it in 1st. Then it happened. It just rolled backwards in to the parking spot it was in and she says, "I think your gas pedal is broke."

HUH?!? The freak was convulsing and twitching so hard, she literally broke the accelerator pedal OFF. Don't worry she says, I'll call you a tow truck she says. About this time an 18 wheeler Budweiser truck pulls up. I think, "Oh great, here is the beer delivery guy and we're blocking this fancy restaurant." Nope, the Budweiser guy, John, (it said it on his shirt) wants to look at the car. He's a live one too, real interested. Already owns a few other bugs and restores them as a hobby. Too bad psycho girl just broke the car! A crowd of hostesses and cooks are starting to come out of the restaurant and look at the scene. Keep in mind this 18 wheeler has closed down a whole lane of traffic with it's hazard lights on! Drug girl is bouncing around smoking a cigarette oblivious to the fact that she is ashing in the car like it's one giant ashtray. She giggles to herself and smoke billows out of every hole in her face. What's so funny?

Then, as it is hitting me we're going to need a tow truck, this freak girl comes right up to me. Puts her nose almost on my nose and says, "you smoke weed?" "NO!" I say - appalled. "Does he?" she says, pointing to Scuba. "NO!" I cry. "Either of you know where I can score some shit?" she says. "NOOOO!" I scream. "Now if you'll excuse me I need to get my insurance card so I can call a tow truck!" I huffed off like the snob I am. UNBELIEVABLE.

The Budweiser truck pulls away and I'm pretty sure we lost that sale. After talking to Geico they tell me the fastest a tow truck will show up is 1.5 hours and it will be $65 (never got the fancy insurance on the bug - liability is all we need Scuba said). Pissed and put out I beat on the glass of Louie's 106. They host opens the door and lets me in. I look him in the eyes and beg, "since I'm parked in a tow away zone, you think you could just call your service and have me towed?" He laughed and let me use the phone book to find my own wrecker. In all of the commotion, the drugged out freak girl tried to hit up a cook from Louie's 106 for a job! He said a few "offensive things" to her and she was so insulted she got in her broken down beater car and peeled out leaving Scuba and I to the hot midday sun and a bum bug.

As we waited for a wrecker, yet another lady approached us (seriously) about the FOR SALE sign. She's genuinely interested for a friend of hers. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be stranded on 6th street with a For Sale sign on your car and a tow truck hooking it up! $55 and 2 missed sale opportunities later the car was on it's way to the mechanics with a greasy wrecker driver and a busted accelerator.

Luckily, our neighbor Jace, was only a few blocks away at Book People. We walked down 6th and caught our ride home.

There was some solice to this nightmare. The minute we got home, we jumped in Scuba's car and went for fish tacos anyway. Something was wrong with the taco stand's computer, so we got our meal free. Then, our friend Paul (manager at Little Woodrow's), felt so sorry for us he bought us a round of beers "on the house." We spent the rest of the night on the porch of our house drinking wine and retelling the story to each other.

We pick the bug up tomorrow. Only $240 dollars. The part was $25 but you know labor costs these days (feel the sarcasm). Yes, the asking price just went up.